


A Whatever in the Closet

by ColonelScience



Category: Elvish Americana, Original Work
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor, Minor Violence, Urban Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 13:17:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11783952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColonelScience/pseuds/ColonelScience
Summary: Two roommates in the fantastic and magical city of San Antonio, a fae named Sabine Blackhand and a ghost named Salvador Luna, decide to finally do something about the horrifying magical monstrosity that's been living in their closet.





	A Whatever in the Closet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shedancesinthenightsky](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=shedancesinthenightsky).
  * Inspired by [What the Snake Saw, The Owl Said, and The Raccoon Read](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10774113) by [badAquatic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/badAquatic/pseuds/badAquatic). 



Sabine clamped her eyes shut harder, trying her best to ignore the scratching noises and ominous whispering coming from the coat closet in the other room. She didn’t know why she and Salvador even had a coat closet, considering they collectively owned a total of two coats and kept both of them in their respective bedrooms. Her failed attempts at sleep were interrupted by a cry from elsewhere in the apartment.

“Sabine!”

She groaned and rolled over, attempting to ignore her roommate.

“Sabine, I know you can hear me.”

“What do you want, Salvador?”

Sabine’s bedroom door flew open, a spectral form moving inside before speaking again. “Same thing you do, a decent night’s sleep. And neither of us are gonna get that until we get an exterminator in here.”

Sabine sat up on the ragged mattress she generously called a bed and rubbed her eyes in frustration. “You know as well as I do that we can’t afford an exterminator on a messenger’s salary. The only way we’re getting rid of that thing is if we kill it ourselves.”

“Then quit messing around and kill it,” Salvador said, fiddling with the tail of his shirt impatiently.

“I’ve tried,” Sabine said. “Every time I do this thing just runs off and twenty minutes later it’s back in the closet. Maybe if you helped –”

“Hell no,” Salvador said. “Have you seen how many legs that thing has? I am not going near it.”

Sabine slumped back onto her bed. “Well if you don’t help me kill it, it’s just gonna stay here until it gets bored and leaves.”

Salvador let out a long, overly dramatic sigh. “Fine,” he said. “What do you want me to do?”

Sabine grunted and sat up again. “Block off its escape route. Make a lot of noise. While it’s distracted I’ll catch it.” She pulled her pillow out of its case and held the case up.

“Alright,” Salvador said. “But make sure it doesn’t get close to me. I’m not dealing with anything that has more than four legs.”

She pulled herself out of bed and stretched, pulling her coat off of a chair and putting it on. She walked out into the main room of the apartment, Salvador following close behind. The two of them approached the closet door, Sabine motioning to Salvador to stay silent. He took his position in front of the closet as Sabine reached for the doorknob. She looked at him to confirm that he was ready. He nodded, and she pulled the door open. Before either of them could react, the creature inside jumped out at Salvador and landed on him.

Sabine couldn’t remember ever hearing anything as loud or shrill as the scream Salvador let out in response to the shifting mass of legs and eyeballs squirming around on his chest. Sabine jumped on top of him, covering the creature with the pillow case and squeezing the end, trapping whatever it was inside. Even once she removed it, Salvador continued to scream.

“Relax,” she said. “It’s just a…” Truth be told she had no idea what this thing was. She had read plenty of books on magical creatures, but those tended to skip over the household pests for more exciting monsters, and there were enough things living in the run down apartments in this district of San Antonio that cataloguing all of them would be impossible, as fifty new ones would have mutated by the time you’d finished. “Well, whatever it is, it’s taken care of now.”

Salvador finally stopped screaming and glared at Sabine. “I thought you said you were gonna keep that thing off me!”

“How was I supposed to know it would –” Before she could finish her sentence, a hole tore through the surface of the pillowcase, and a leg pushed its way out. The hole widened as the creature forced its way out. Sabine grabbed for it, but it was already crawling into an exposed air vent by the time her hand reached the spot where it had been. “Shit,” she said.

“Fucking hell,” Salvador said. “Now what?”

“I am not losing this thing again,” Sabine said. She started walking towards the air vent as her body grew smaller and hair sprouted out of her skin. Within a few seconds, she had taken the form of a raccoon. “I’m going in,” she said. “Barricade the closet door. I’m going to go in from behind and trap it.”

Salvador nodded and watched Sabine crawl into the vent after the creature. Once she was gone from view he stood in front of the closet door as she directed. He pushed against it as hard as he could and waited. After about a minute, sounds of struggle began to emerge from the closet. Salvador braced his body against the door as it shook, the cheap wood straining under the weight of the bodies smashing against it.

The struggle went on for several minutes before it came to an abrupt end with a bloodcurdling scream. Without thinking, he threw the door open, expecting to see some gruesome scene of a mortally wounded raccoon, but let out a sigh of relief when he saw Sabine, back in her fae form, holding the battered corpse of the closet-monster. He quickly cleared his throat in order to disguise his concern. Sabine was covered in sweat and blood (although Salvador wasn’t sure how much was hers and how much was the creature’s), and her clothing was torn in several places. She let out a groan between heavy breaths.

“At least –” She stopped to wheeze from exertion. “At least we didn’t have to pay for an exterminator.” As she finished this thought, she dropped the creature onto the floor and passed out.

Salvador kicked the body of the magical pest away from her and picked her up, carrying her back to her bed. “Thanks, Sabine,” he said, laying her down gently onto the mattress and resting her head on the now bare pillow. “Now get some rest.”


End file.
